HOW OFTEN DO YOU ASK YOURSELF – WHY DID MY TEEN DO THAT?

You need a framework to understand teen behavior - …

·        What made him/ her do that?

·        Where did they learn it?

·        Was it effective or successful previously?  By whom?

·        Did they see it on TV, etc.?

BASIC ISSUE: all behavior is successful – at living out its expectations. Worst example: a student who acted out so badly to be sent to the principal, knowing he would receive corporal punishment [paddling].  Whether consciously or unconsciously, he craved the attention!!!

So when you see an odd or bad behavior from your teen, ask yourself the questions above.

THEN, be prepared IN ADVANCE to act or react in a way that will diminish or correct that bad behavior.  Will your approach ALWAYS work?  Possibly not.  Some “corrections” may take multiple deliveries.  But every time you DON’T, you’re teaching him/her or letting them get away with it, reinforcing it.

Key Reactions:

·        No emotion – otherwise you teach them that emotions rule.

·        Remove the result they wanted.

·        ASK them what they think their punishment should be [this can be amazingly effective].

·        Be sure there’s some ‘takeaway’ –

o   like loss of phone,

o   loss of some other privilege,

o   loss of ride,

o   loss of car,

o   no friends to come over

o   - nor go there.

o   [fill in your own, here] ________________.

Another key point: if you’ve been wishy-washy for most of their lives – and you will now take a stronger stance, expect it to take several instances.  And if you think you’re being harsh, you’re probably not. Think of it more like a sports coach trying to teach key elements of their sport.  But stay at it.  You love them for their life and future – and allowing undisciplined, unpunished behavior now will impair their adult life – BE ASSURED.

SUCCESS!