Let’s look at
how an underachiever – UNDERACHIEVES – and how you can help your teen to
overcome those possibilities or tendencies – and MAXIMIZE their untapped
potential.
A true story: I’ve spent 25+ years exploring and
understanding how an underachiever underachieves – by looking in the mirror!
And here’s why that’s valuable to you:
Richard Bach,
in Illusions, writes “we teach best what we most need to learn.” Therein lies the value to you. I hereby divulge ways I’ve divined to sidestep
and overcome achievement avoidance!
As director of
special education in a small school district, managing [not teaching] a gifted
program, I saw a slice of me in some of our students: having been told
repeatedly how “smart” I was when I was young, when difficult challenges came,
I used the excuse “I didn’t have enough
time – but if I did, I’d have done A LOT better.” That allowed me to retain my (weak) fragile
self-image. Amazing how many years of my
life I used that – AND saw it with some frequency in the gifted kids in our
program.
About that
weak self-image: it may have come from several different sources, but the
solution(s) remain the same. Deep, deep
inside my brain, I just didn’t believe I was “that good.” Hence, that led me to further rev up the avoidance strategy I noted above.
One more
contributing impediment: I didn’t know
about nor use goal-setting and self-discipline.
I could blame my mother, my teachers, anyone else – but I didn’t have it
and didn’t know about it – until I was 26 y.o.
My point? We [I] could spend hours and years in
psychotherapy, etc., et al. But here’s
the answer, simple as it is:
·
Break things
down smaller!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
o
[I like to make
them ‘silly-small’ – so small you’d have to TRY
not to achieve
them.]
·
Set VERY short
deadlines – that creates a sense of urgency which is NOT overwhelming but
breeds success!!
Note about
time estimates: When we start any project, we have a ballpark estimate of how
long it will take. Even when someone
says “I don’t know how long…” – fact is, they really do have some general idea!
Suggestion: guide
your student into breaking it into no more than 15- to 30-minute chunks or
bites or less!. Hopefully, that will
come close to that ‘silly-small’ I noted above.
If you still notice avoidance or procrastination, break them down even smaller.
I’ve been
coaching high level business execs for 25 years – and that exact strategy
overcomes:
- Procrastination
- Poor self-image
- Poor planning
- Avoidance
- Weak self-discipline
- Self-denial and inadequacy
Also – reward
or compliment your student. Example –
they study for 25 minutes instead of the hour they agreed to – notice and
compliment them on what they DID do, even reward them – a cookie or
[something…]
One more
significant revelation: the REBEL
syndrome.: by that, I mean there’s a part of my mental processing
that says [to me!?] – ‘you can’t make
me do that!’ In recent years, I’ve asked a number of professional
colleagues and clients – and a significant number agreed - that they see this
in themselves as well.
When I start
my day with a task list, my UNCONSCIOUS mind seems to wander [or revolt] and instead
starts on Task Three or Six or something else, instead of Number One –
which I’d planned to start with. MUCH of
the time, it’s something else on that list – so that’s a good thing. So – the key is to be sure you START the day
with a well-prioritized list – and just let your actions roll…
When I ‘allow
this’ to happen, without becoming upset with myself, the day is almost always
quite productive!
NOTE – that’s
bothered me for years: the “just do it’ syndrome. For many of us, that avoidance I’ve been
talking about happens a lot. So some
guru or productivity wizard telling me to ‘just do it’ – has NO UNDERSTANDING
of the avoidance and self-doubt going on inside my head. It’s SO easy for “the experts” to explain so
brilliantly how to overcome these issues – but, be assured, they didn’t start
from that defeatist mindset. As always,
it’s easier to talk about it than to do it!
At base,
under-achievers will ALWAYS find a way out – avoiding achieving! L It’s a deep-set psychological structure that’s
probably there permanently – and hence requires DAILY diligence. DON’T believe the urban myth that it takes 21
days to change a habit – that is COMPLETELY untrue.
So if/when you
see your teen/student avoiding or rationalizing or giving in to self-defeat,
gently try these thoughts/ ideas – remain tactful yet persistent – and you WILL
see growth over a period of days, weeks or months. And, as always, the key is CONSISTENT
PERSEVERANCE!
So if you’ve
got an under-achieving student, try some of these ideas, gently,
tactfully. And, BTW – they WILL also
work WONDERS for average and high achievers!!
And if you’d
like further discussion about these or other teen success issues, don’t
hesitate to reach out – email CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com
Looking for a
solution to a problem teen?
What about STRENGTHENING
an already successful teen?
Email CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com
