WHY?
Parenting a teenager, no
matter how confident and knowledgeable you may be, ALWAYS presents more
unexpected hassles and challenges than you EVER anticipated.
I would not dare tell you
how to raise a teenager, but I am a former school psychologist as well as many
[successful] years’ experience guiding high-achieving businesspeople toward
their goals.
As I was an underachieving
teenager, with what some might call a ‘soggy fuse’ – it took me a while to
ignite. But finally, I did – and here we go:
MOST ALL OF Teens2Success
these writings will be DIRECTED TOWARD SUCCESS
But don’t be misled –
success as defined by you or your teenager – NOT SOCIETY or FRIENDS or
TEACHERS]
A couple basic premises:
Change IS possible
Teenagers go through
immense physical, hormonal, cognitive and social evolutions – and parents are
often MOST impatient for them to ‘be done with it!’ [aren’t you?]
The good news is that
becoming a positive, successful, even happy teenager [human being] is possible
– and can even be accelerated and made less confrontational!
- Many people talk about change –
FEW of them SUCCEED
97% [ninety seven
percent!!!] of people who BEGIN a development program QUIT before they’re
done. There are two main reasons for that:
(a) they set beautiful,
lofty goals and become frustrated at lack of progress or SUCCESS too
immediately, and
(b) they don’t have the
resilience to KEEP TRYING after several or MANY setbacks.
- (a) and (b) above led us to develop the concept of
Micro Goals. A Micro Goal is defined as SMALL enough to be COMPLETED
that day. If they
don’t complete them, THE GOAL was too BIG! And – to maximize success, no
more than TWO each day. Micro Goals, set and achieved DAILY, build and
strengthen self-confidence, self-expectation and self-image. And
self-image defines, sets and limits ALL human performance.
As a result of DAILY Micro
Goals, a teenager will become better and better at whatever area of success
they decide. [and interestingly enough, they will usually become better
or stronger in other areas of life – because they’re mostly all interrelated!]
What about parenting?
Remember the song “Who Let
the Dogs Out?”
What
we now see all over the internet feels like they threw psychologists and a
thesaurus into a large blender and came out with a library of ‘new’ concepts
with which to parent!
I’ve
read most of them – and most are pretty good … but Oh, the complexity!! ☹
Parenting
is not that hard if you stop trying to follow what your parents did or all
these ‘experts’. Like it or not, this is a far, far different world than your
parents – or their parents! What I see, think, feel OFTEN – is MANY
people’s failure to think with good old fashioned common sense.
It
really boils down to ONLY a few basics:
- Listen.
According to experts in so many different fields, we are a nation of POOR
listeners. MOST of us – in business, social settings and parenting –
instead of listening, are planning what we’re going to say next – AT THE
EXPENSE of really hearing.
- ASK
– to better understand what you THINK you heard or saw. The more you ask
and the less you TELL the better that child or teenager will be able to
explain so that everyone understands. BTW – you will also find that this
greatly diminishes arguments. If you strive or operate with a drill instructor
mindset you are pretty much shackling any kind of innovation and an
Innovative thinking. Too – TOO many parents treat their children almost
like training a dog.
- RESPECT -
remember they're evolving – a work in progress. They're not perfect
yet. They’re not adults you’re chastising – remind yourself that you
love them – even if you don’t, at that moment.
- ANTICIPATE, PREDICT,
expect what they’ll say or do. Yes, you can. They’ve spent their lives
with you. We are ALL predictable. You can ‘guess’ 2 or 3
probable replies – AND YOU THEN PREPARE FOR THEM!
Realize that all human behavior – that includes your kids - is intended to achieve a goal, to fulfill a need. Sometimes that goal is unconscious, even unknown to them. [think about that for a moment – THEY don’t even know why] You may need to think, ponder, analyze “what’s up?” and yes, sometimes they may not KNOW or HAVE a better action or behavior in their repertoire . This is a teaching moment – BEST executed with questions – again, minimize TELLING.
Coach Steve Simons
Teens2Success!!
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