In a recent article, a child psychologist confirmed the No. 1 skill that “sets mentally strong kids apart from ‘those who give up” - the most important element for success in a child’s life is HOPE.
I have said for several
years that the two most critical elements in a teenager’s life traits are resilience
and resourcefulness. Evidently,
perhaps obviously, resilience – getting back up after a defeat - demonstrates
hope - the expectation that “I can do better or more.”
How does one develop
resilience and hope?
By trying, failing and trying
again – and perhaps again and again and again!!
Note that in the
mindset of the helicoptering parent – who protects the child from ANY failure,
the child will never learn how to get back up. And that’s a life lesson
critical, crucial, important and foundational for any adult success.
Every single successful
person has experienced multiple failures, sometimes the bigger the better. Michael Jordan comes to mind with many, many FAILED
last-minute shots on the basketball court and yet he remains one of the
premier players of all time. We can also consider Thomas Edison whose thousands
of failed attempts eventually led to a successful lightbulb!
It's that resilience - that
belief, that hope, that enables success in anyone and especially a teenager in
the midst of much psychological and cognitive churning.
So – how should you best deal with your child’s defeat?
· LISTEN
ASK A QUESTION –
· “how
do you feel about what happened?”
· “how
do you think you did?”
· “How
could you do that differently or better?”
· “who
can we ask for guidance or coaching?”
AVOID saying things like “Oh, that’s OK…” or “don’t worry
about it”
Allow them to feel the impact – and recover and rebuild
– THAT’S resilience and HOPE!
As you know, parenting is not an exact science – so what
you just read may need adjustment – but learn, adapt, adjust – and especially –
ASK, DON’T TELL.
Every time you TELL, you’ve prevented them from the most
powerful learning: Discovery learning. ASKing questions, as
above, is the magic!
And if you have questions or comments, please message me
at CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com
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