OVERCOMING A NEGATIVE, CONSTRICTING MINDSET

Almost everyone has doubts or negative thoughts about what they’re trying to achieve - and teenagers may be at the top of that list!  So, your teen, even all of us – need strategies to overcome those doubts and hesitations.

I heard a high performing athlete and former Navy SEAL pounding on the concept of Prisoner of the Mind –that a huge number of our impediments are in our mind, such as:

·       “…I can’t”

·       “I’m not smart enough”

·       “I don’t know how” - - - “I don’t know where to find out or learn”

·       “it can’t be done”

·       “I’m too SMALL, SLOW, HEAVY/FAT, SHORT, UNATHLETIC

·       “I’ve got too much to do – I can’t keep up”

Here’s how to deal with negativity in one’s brain:

If it’s a conscious thought, ask:

·       What evidence tells you that?

·       Do you accept that evidence?

·       The big question: how and when will you overcome it?

·       And even if it’s valid or true – will you allow it to stop you?  THAT’S NEGATIVE THINKING.

As a former school psychologist, administering MANY intelligence tests, I found that intelligence is the SPEED at which one learns, NOT IF they can learn

RESEARCH evidence tells us that everything we’ve ever learned or experienced is still in our brain.

We are all living out the “script” in our mind – so to change “the output” we need to change “the input”

The best available tools are Affirmations and Visualizations.  BOTH need to be used and repeated many times each day.

Latest research tells us that it takes 66 days or more - to change a habit.

A [negative] mindset is an attitude – an attitude is a habit of thought

And realize and accept – this will probably be an everyday struggle – keep that Visualization Board easily viewable, viewed often and updated from time to time!

An affirmation is an “I” statement in the PRESENT tense – as if you were already in possession of it - of something you want to do, achieve or become.

A Visualization is a visual Affirmation.

These should ALWAYS BE IN THE POSITIVE.  The unconscious mind – which drives and controls our behaviors and choices – CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE between positive and negative.  So, if you word your affirmation as a negative, you will be DRAWN to the negative!!

There are two kinds of visualizations: (1) the end result, and (2) your needed actions to achieve that result.

 

SAMPLE AFFIRMATIONS – use or adapt to your preferences and of course, develop your own

Affirmations, to be effective, must be repeated numerous times throughout the day.  Remember – they are overwriting the script that’s been in their head for a long time!

One good tool is to write them on a 3x5 index card - fold it twice and put it in your pocket.

Putting them on your Visualization Board is another good strategy, or on the visor of your car.

You can chop these up any way you’d like – THEY’RE YOURS!

·       I am a strong, powerful, intelligent, high-achieving success machine!

·       I am energized, healthful, goal-directed, well-focused - each day, every day!

·       I have great energy.

·       I am FOCUSED – minute by minute, hour by hour.

·       I eat healthy foods in reasonable quantities.

·       I am successful and highly effective.

·       I make friends easily.  I have many great friends.

·       I am well-disciplined each day, every day.

·       I complete what I plan to do, each day, every day

·       I plan thoughtfully, allowing and enabling myself to complete what I’d want, to advance my success goals

·       ___________________________

 

ALMOST ANY AFFIRMATION CAN BE PICTORIALLY DISPLAYED on THEIR VISUALIZATION BOARD

If you have questions or comments – message me here or CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com

Arguments, hassles with your teen?

 For those of you experiencing hassles with your teenager – realize that almost every argument or flare-up – is them trying to prevent you from invading their rapidly evolving “new self.”  Figuratively speaking, it’s like them avoiding an invading army - you… They’re trying to stand their ground and maintain this new self. 

Best strategy?  ASK, DON’T TELL.  The more you TELL, the more they’ll fight you off or back - - - “I’ve gotta be me” [old song]. 

The more you ASK them, the more you’ll convey respect for their magnificent thinking machine – that brain that’s growing daily, even minute by minute. 

Nurture their thinking [by ASKING] – you’ll all come out ahead.  

For more information or thoughts, message me here or CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com. 

GOT HOPE? NEED HOPE? GET HOPE!!

 In a recent article, a child psychologist confirmed the No. 1 skill that “sets mentally strong kids apart from ‘those who give up” - the most important element for success in a child’s life is HOPE.

I have said for several years that the two most critical elements in a teenager’s life traits are resilience and resourcefulness.  Evidently, perhaps obviously, resilience – getting back up after a defeat - demonstrates hope - the expectation that “I can do better or more.”

How does one develop resilience and hope?

By trying, failing and trying again – and perhaps again and again and again!!

Note that in the mindset of the helicoptering parent – who protects the child from ANY failure, the child will never learn how to get back up. And that’s a life lesson critical, crucial, important and foundational for any adult success.

Every single successful person has experienced multiple failures, sometimes the bigger the better.  Michael Jordan comes to mind with many, many FAILED last-minute shots on the basketball court and yet he remains one of the premier players of all time. We can also consider Thomas Edison whose thousands of failed attempts eventually led to a successful lightbulb!

It's that resilience - that belief, that hope, that enables success in anyone and especially a teenager in the midst of much psychological and cognitive churning.

So – how should you best deal with your child’s defeat?

·       LISTEN

ASK A QUESTION –

·       “how do you feel about what happened?”

·       “how do you think you did?”

·       “How could you do that differently or better?” 

·       “who can we ask for guidance or coaching?”

AVOID saying things like “Oh, that’s OK…” or “don’t worry about it”

Allow them to feel the impact – and recover and rebuild – THAT’S resilience and HOPE!

As you know, parenting is not an exact science – so what you just read may need adjustment – but learn, adapt, adjust – and especially – ASK, DON’T TELL.  

Every time you TELL, you’ve prevented them from the most powerful learning: Discovery learning. ASKing questions, as above, is the magic!

And if you have questions or comments, please message me at CoachSteve@Launch-Your-Life.com