No More Helicopter Parents!

Recently. I heard a mother say “I’m the worst helicopter parent – I can’t stop myself…”  [I’ve also heard people are tiring of the term “helicopter parenting.”]  So whether you’re ‘guilty’ of helicopter parenting or not, let’s transcend it– and focus on STRENGTHENING what a parent can do - - to build achievers, succeeders and champions.

Let’s start here: those notorious IQ tests –the real ones, administered one-on-one by a licensed psychologist, measure THE SPEED at which people learn, NOT whether or not they CAN learn.  Take that one step further - when a student encounters difficulty learning, it simply means the learning may take more time, not that they CAN’T learn.  And instantly one excellent quote comes to mind:  “All things are difficult before they are easy.”  (Thomas Fuller, circa 1650.)  So if your teenager is experiencing difficulty learning – in any field, your role becomes supporting their progressive steps toward mastery. 

And based on the research findings of Carol Dweck and colleagues – who found that, when students understand that the ability to learn is NOT finite and limited – that they are NOT ‘terminally dumb,’ students CHANGE their perception of “failure.”  They realize that a failure is simply a step along the way to success.  And that directly supports the notion that failure is a REQUIRED step along the path to success.  [The key issue – and this is where parents’ role becomes more valuable – is that the student LEARNS from a failure.]  Failure is simply a road sign that says “we’re not there yet.”  Remember those family road trips when your kids asked, after the first 4 blocks – “are we there yet?” - Same thing. J

One of the best ways to reverse a misperception is to hugely alter the expected paradigm.  When a student glumly looks like – or even says – “I’m so dumb” – or “I worked so hard and failed – I give up” - you could say something like “you got a D? That’s great!  At least it wasn’t an F – and you’ve got room to develop and grow.  Now how do you think we can do that?”

Or – “you studied a lot for that chemistry exam – and didn’t get the A you expected.  If you had it to do over, how would you change your strategy?”  [and DON’T let them off with “I’d study harder.”  That’s too global and hence meaningless.]

So the key elements are: (a) intelligence is NOT limited, and (b) recognizing that failure is just one step closer to success! [AND you should throw in – those who don’t fail aren’t even in the game!!]