I posted a msg recently about what amounted to ‘weak’ parenting. Let’s take the high road now, from many years thinking, reflecting about human and parental behavior.
OUR SUGGESTIONS:
1. LISTEN
2. ASK, DON’T TELL
[stop
telling, instead ask – gently, not interrogating, not sermonizing – just gentle
information-gathering questions, maybe “I’m not sure I understand – tell me a
little more”]
3. Accept,
never negate – any emotion they show or express
4. Years ago, reflective
listening was all the rage– I now think it sucks. Stop trying to label or ‘understand’
their behavior. See 1 and 2.
5. Hug often,
even if they fight it.
6. Arguing is
almost never good – see 1 and 2 above. You
can only learn what they’re thinking by listening – and every so often, it’s deeper
than you thought.
7. Be patient.
8. EMPHASIZE ‘what
do you think you learned?’ [read Carol
Dweck’s MINDSET]
9. Recognize and
reinforce the good. Negative comments have SIX TIMES the harsh impact of a
positive one.
10. Always be prepared to quickly, sincerely
acknowledge a mistake you’ve made – WITH THEM. Their respect for you will BLOSSOM!
11. After 35 years’ supporting human performance: I’ve learned - it’s all about ACTION. No matter how many books you’ve read or new ideas you learn, they’re empty until they’re APPLIED.
Because almost no one “gets it”
after one reading or viewing – make a commitment to RE-READ this at least once
a week for a month!
