We’ve seen much craziness and wild accusations in recent months and years about schools, teachers, school boards, etc. - some well-intentioned, some self-serving.
Please remind yourself:
YOU are ultimately responsible for your teenager’s life and
success, NOT the school, teachers or school board.
Brief reminders: THE RESEARCH
IS CLEAR – neither intelligence nor school grades predict nor define success
for your teen. The two most important, most
powerful influences toward anyone’s success are RESILIENCE and RESOURCEFULNESS.
One of the weaknesses of
today’s teens is the result of helicopter parenting – that is, parents
protecting their kids from adversity, failure, defeat – WITH THE RESULT –
documented by countless college professors – that, when they fail, today’s
college students DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ☹ ☹.
There are a couple things you can do to strengthen your teen’s
resilience:
(1) DO NOT ‘fix things for them –
(2) instead, ask them what they
think they should do – this time or ‘the next time’ –
(3) AND THEN [VERY important] - ask
a follow-up question or two:
· “how do you think that will work”
–
· “what past experience makes you
think that?”
There are more, but that’s a start.
It’s been said that ‘every time you do something for your
child that they could have done, you (o) prevented learning AND (o) taught them
that you don’t have confidence in them!!!
The more you follow our suggested ASK, DON’T TELL approach,
the more resilient and innovative and self-confident your teen will
become! And isn’t that a worthy goal?
ASK, DON’T TELL is much like the Socratic method – or a Jewish
mother: always reply with a question, never an answer! [we have a resource we can send you if you’d like]
To build Resourcefulness,
again, ask A LOT of questions, then invite and reinforce wild ’n crazy ideas!!
It’s been said that “every new idea was at first considered preposterous.” How true!!
In the days of the Fax machine, imagine that salesman telling you – “I’m
going to send this piece of paper though your phone line…” WHAT????????
Good questions:
· “How else might you or could you
do that?” [whatever the task]
· “How else?” [again!]
· “What’s the real goal here? [that will very often re-slant their
approach]
Again, it’s
been said – “Nothing is more dangerous than one idea when it’s the only
one you have.”
GUIDE, LEAD, INFLUENCE your teen toward great success: Resilient, Resourceful - for life!!
If I can help you in any way, please message me to discuss what’s on your parenting mind [at no charge]. [for background] I’m a former spec ed director, school psychologist, 30+ year success coach now focusing on teenagers.
