THE NEW NORMAL !?$@ - - Doncha just hate that expression?

Have you – as have I - grown weary of that expression?

And yet - it may have a lot more immediate relevance and value than we thought.

With no school for weeks/ months, and if the pandemic quarantine keeps them at home, these poor kids – and their parents – could benefit from a ‘new normal’

I see and read and note parent’s annoyance and aggravation by and from their teenagers constantly.  And what occurred to me after the first few hundred such readings was that, with a moderately simple “pivot” [there’s another new/ popular term] – any parent can change - AND IMPROVE! their teen paradox!

1.      CHANGE your expectations!  In far too many instances, parent’s expectations of behaviors and choices of their teens are simply not realistic in a world far different than when they were teens. Question your expectations – and even discuss them with your teen!

2.      ASK, DON’T TELL.  By this age, teenagers are SO TIRED of being TOLD what to do and when to do it. Why not reverse your paradigm – make it a dialogue – a two-way, mutually respectful communication.  Trust me – it works!  [LISTEN to them!]

Next, try to get them involved in their own dream goal pursuit.  In our coaching of teenagers, we’ve found that as soon as their focus is NO LONGER what the teacher said, or what Mom or Dad want them to do – and is replaced by pursuit of their OWN personal dreams and goals, their self-motivation takes over – and their internal stress and outward hostility DECREASES!!

So – what am I saying?  Invite or suggest that they brainstorm EVERYTHING they ever hope to achieve, possess become or experience – IN ANY AREA(S) of life.

Then, be prepared with several suggested questions and actions they might pursue. As in all these suggestions – make it a fun project, NOT an assignment.  If done right, it’s ALL ABOUT THEM – and that motivates and inspires ALL OF US!!

One other great exercise arising from their Dream list – truly for the whole family, if you’d like: create, develop a Visualization Board.

I did my first one many year ago – at a sales meeting with more than 100 people in the room.  We had a great time, each doing his own – but contributing or making suggestions to others - as you should.

If you’re interested, we have questions and a process we can recommend – for Questioning, for Dream List and for Visualization Board - just ask!  And of course, there’s no charge nor fee! 😎

HAPPINESS FOR YOUR TEENAGER?

HOW YA GONNA GET THERE?

Absolute basic fact learned 25 years ago: the more specific the goal, the easier it is to achieve – and the reverse: the more vague the goal, the harder it is to achieve.

When we surveyed parents asking their goal(s) for their teenager, the most frequent reply was “to be happy.”

With total respect and appreciation, that's not very helpful.  What IS happiness?????

Happiness is achieving or fulfilling a goal.

Happiness is not possessions.  Those are the rewards of success.

But back to happiness: happiness requires (!!!) a goal!

So if happiness for your teen is your goal, what's THEIR goal?

Think about things like

·         career,

·         type of work,

·         indoors/ office or outdoors

·         needed and desired finances/ salary, etc.

·         family situation, kids if any

·         where they’ll live - geographic location –

·         and anything else you consider important or valuable. 

Next key issue: ASK, DON'T TELL.  As you consider these things, avoid TELLING your teen. Make this just subtle, conversation - ask 'softball' questions- not hard-edged challenging ones. Your role is to guide and coach, not to direct.

EXAMPLES to facilitate exploration with your teen:

·         “What do you think you’d want to do with your life?”

·         “What is it about that interests you?”

·         “Hmmm, that’s interesting… are there other similar but different areas you might also enjoy?

·         “What kind of education or experience will you need to be good at that?”

·         “I’m not being skeptical, just wondering - what if that doesn’t work out for you, what else might fulfill you?”

·         “Again, not being skeptical – can I help – only if you’d like, to explore other similar careers that might be just as entertaining to you, for you?”

·         “How can I help or support you in getting there?”

Once you’ve begun this questioning, gently come back to it from time to time. Very often, the more you push, the more they’ll back away – so gauge your teen’s reactions and replies to guide your next steps.

[In ALL these questions, expect to hear “I don’t know” – a lot!  Because in many cases, they’ve never thought about them before. 

One way to help their thinking is to have 2 or 3 or 4 alternatives in mind when you ask the question.  If they negate or reject them - fine! You and they have learned what they DON’T WANT!

It also helps to NOTICE what seems to make them happy. Very often, people don’t notice what makes them happy until later on.

Finally – DON’T make this a formal pursuit [or “investigation”] – just add it to your parental knowledge bank, to refer back to in guiding your teenager toward HAPPINESS!!

THINGS WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT - - -

BUT NEED TO!!!  - - - -

The teenage years evoke a LONG, often scary list of issues – which FAR too many parents want to hide from – but we have a solution.

What many parents will see or experience from their teenager:

·         Lack or loss of focus

·         Weak self-discipline

·         Low motivation

·         Just don’t care

·         Belligerence, sarcasm, unpleasantness

·         Drug or alcohol use, abuse, even addiction

·         Suicide – talking about, threatening to, or carrying it out

As in all human behavior, there are no absolute answers, no cure-alls!!

HOWEVER, we have found that our process in success-coaching teenagers CAN have a strong, strengthening effect on each of the issues listed above. 

Here’s how: we ask our students to (o) brainstorm and list everything they ever want to achieve, possess or become in life.  (o) Then, they are guided to filter those dreams down to shorter range goals and actions, (o) then develop a plan – and (o) begin pursuing their dreams!!

KEY POINT: when anyone begins to focus on their own dreams and goals, their “need” for unpleasantness, drug or alcohol use or addiction, and even suicide – diminishes or lessens a great deal.

Further, their focus, self-discipline, motivation and “Just don’t care” attitude improves GREATLY!!

Again, this is not a cure-all – but it’s one more tool to help them help themselves.

While we don't yet have data to support this expectation, we know that every student with whom we have worked increased their own motivation and academic focus and school success without our ever mentioning that!  Essentially, we are guiding them toward igniting their own self-motivation and achievement drive!!

If we can help you to use this idea with your teen, please contact us at CoachSteve@Launh-Your-Life.com