[IF],
when your teenager is unkind, unpleasant, sarcastic, rebellious, even belligerent
or totally self-focused - Why do they do that?
Because
they can.
Because
somewhere along the line, someone – even
you - has failed to administer or deliver the consequences for crappy behaviors.
They “got away with it” – sometimes multiple times.
Why
do they do that?
Because
they're crying out inside.
Because
inside their head, there’s turmoil, pain, inadequacy, poor or weak self-esteem.
And
the cause is so undiscernible, they're trying to reach out and accuse everybody
and everything for it and you're their primary target.
So
the big question becomes - what will you and can you do?
Here
are some options to seriously consider - even if they’re painful and extremely
unlike you?!
If you’ve
lost control, it’s been coming for
some time. It didn’t happen
overnight, and won’ fix it overnight.
Don’t
give them what they want – usually an emotional reply from you. Reply in a quiet, unemotional manner.
Ask
them why they’d speak to you that way - quiet, unemotional.
Do not
reward the behavior by complying with their request
Offer
one or more options – either reducing their request or delaying it, or even rejecting
it completely – again – WITHOUT EMOTION.
Reply
emphatically, strongly, without emotion.
In an
hour or more or even day or more, come back and – gently re-surface the request
or the way in which it was said.
Don’t
be afraid to allow the consequences of their [bad] choices occur. Learning is IMPERATIVE – help it or allow it
to occur.
Without
sermonizing, when you see/ hear pleasant replies or actions, compliment them,
specifically.
When
the time is right [could be days or more], discuss [dialogue, not monologue] – (o)
why they reacted or replied like that, (o) how it made you feel, (o) how it
made them look, and that, (o) in the future, “there’s a better way.”
STAY CALM, PERSISTENT, PATIENT, LOVING.
